Many men complain that their wives are no longer as keen in sex as before. This is especially after they have kids and wives usually say they do not have the energy for sex. However, some couples despite their busy lifestyle juggling with careers, children and homes, can still continue to enjoy great sex.
What are their secrets?
(1) Make an effort to improve communication
Communication is how we get to know another person. Make it a habit to chat to one another everyday about how you are feeling. Share your thoughts and ideas, likes and dislikes, feelings and deepest needs with your partner. Ask her what she likes. If you get to know yourself and your partner well through better communication, chances are higher that you will have a much more erotic and explosive relationship.
(2) Do not blindly believe other guys’ bragging
When men talk to each other they often exaggerate about their exploits in order to make themselves look better to their peers. This can create distorted pictures of their sex lives for one another. As a result, many guys wonder if they miss anything in their sex life and why they cannot enjoy sex like others.
(3) Accept that sex is never perfect
Do not compare your sex life with porn. What you see in porn is usually far away from reality with perfectly shaped men and women engaging in rousing sex. One of the most destructive myths of porn is that it tries to make guys feel they are too small. Some of the other fictions that porn perpetuates are the idea that women are always ready for sex and that the same moves work on every partner. However, you can use porn to inspire you to greater sexual exploration, but do keep in mind that what you see in porn is not reality.
(4) Focus on the physical sensations
Sex is best when there is no expectation of anything in particular happening. Some guys can get so stressed up because they are worried about performance. To achieve optimum orgasm, simply focus on the pleasurable sensations. Get yourself totally tuned into the moment with her. You can set the tone by teasing her slowly, touching her hands, arms, face, neck and back before going to the more erotic areas. Let her body signals (e.g. change in skin color, her expression, her moaning) guide you to where you should spend more time on any particular erotic spots that she is extra sensitive to your stimulation.
(5) Create a more conducive bedroom atmosphere
If you can do something to transform your bedroom into something new and different, that can make a big difference to your sex life. Lighting some candles or changing the brightness of the room lights to give a more romantic tone is an option worthwhile to consider. Getting a nicer set of sheets and a new bed spread can be of great help. You can give your room more space by removing things like kids’ toys, piles of laundry that tends to accumulate in the bedroom. Consider ditching the bedroom TV too or at least trying life without it for a while. Bedroom should be a private place for couples to interact and understand each other better and watching TV is a great distraction to communication.
(6) Arrange time for sex
Some people may feel that this is quite unromantic because in their opinion sex should be something spontaneous. But with modern urban living getting busier and more stressful, not specially setting aside the time for sex may probably result in a gradual decrease frequency in lovemaking.
Rather than giving you a lot of pressure to perform at a particular moment, scheduling can actually make sex more relaxing. You can develop certain sensual rituals, making romantic gestures, sending sexy text messages in anticipation of your encounter. You can give each other a massage or take a shower together. Scheduling lovemaking sessions can also eliminate conflict over differences in sex drives by agreeing beforehand how often both sides should have sex (making some form of compromises).
(7) Make some changes
The changes can involve trying to do something different together to break the routine. This can be making love in different places or trying different lovemaking positions that are mutually enjoyable, or injecting role-playing into your sexual encounter. You can at times do something crazy or extraordinary such as watching horror movies, going for a roller coaster ride, going for trips to unusual places, going for wine-tasting or cuisine-sampling session, enrolling in yoga or dance classes together.
(8) Do not avoid sexual problems
People who have sexual issues often shy away from sexuality because they are afraid to face failure. But these problems need to be addressed head on. Erectile dysfunction gets the most attention but there are other problems too such as premature ejaculation, low libido level, pain during intercourse, vaginal dryness, or difficulty in achieving orgasm caused by medications or medical conditions.
While some sexual problems may need medical attention, others can be solved by trying different intercourse technique. The main thing is not to muddle through your problems and suffer in silence.
Attend therapy with or without your partner. Through therapy, you can work through issues that you have with sex, or bring your partner to talk about how to communicate better so that you can find ways together that overcome the sexual problems. Visit the doctor to talk about your decreasing sex drives so that he/she can come up with certain treatment or therapy or prescribe you alternative medication if the current drugs/pills you take, affect your sex life.
(9) Do not rush
Go slow on sex gives you ample time to build up the sexual tension and make her want you more. Maybe when on the sofa, you can start caressing her and kissing her slowly. Get her in the mood and make her want to take it to the next level herself.
The best sex emerges from whole body sensuality which means you have to switch the focus from reaching the objective to just enjoy the whole process. Leisurely lovemaking benefits both parties. Women get turned on and enjoy sex more, while men have fewer sexual problems and feel more confident about themselves in bed. Many men find that their sexual problems (such as premature ejaculation) subside when they take their own sweet time.
(10) Exercise and proper dieting
If health and fitness are not strong reasons to get you to exercise, how about improving your sex life? Running, walking and swimming can build up your heart endurance. Ex sometimes requires you to hold unusual positions for short period of time and weight training can help to condition your body muscles for longer lasting sex. Doing some stretching exercises after workouts or yoga can help to improve your body flexibility so that you can easily get into any sex positions.
Eat well but be careful not to eat too much especially right before sex. Eating certain food can increase sex drive. Foods that contain Vitamin A, B, C, E as well as Zinc, Selenium, Manganese, Antioxidants, Phytoestrogens are natural sex boosters. Or, you can try foods such as celery, raw oysters and bananas.
(11) Breathing exercises
Take long, quick, deep breaths through your nostrils and then breathe out through your mouth. As you do this, visualize yourself breathing oxygen into your whole body or focusing it on that one area that you want to feel energized. Keep doing this until you feel your body starts to become energized. You can then reach for your bed. During your lovemaking session, continue to breathe in through your nostrils and breathe out through your mouth. Continue this way of breathing and you will feel your body becomes more energized and your endurance increases.
(12) Do not give up
Having a better sex life will need some effort on you and your partner. You should expect setbacks in some of your attempts. Trying something new always involves some risk of failure. The most important thing is to keep trying.